Let’s Talk About the Elephant in the Room

“We’re going to name the elephants in the room.”

There was a palpable relief in the room as people let out a collective exhale. Tensions had been building up for some time, and no one was saying anything. To cope with the state of overwhelm, people were staying in their own lanes, focusing on their individual work and avoiding the need to collaborate across departments. But we all perked up at the prospect of finally addressing the built-up resentments, miscommunication, and confusing decision-making that was weighing us down.

This promise from leadership, however, turned out to be empty. We waited in anticipation for the impending conversation, but nothing came. Weeks turned into months, and the complexity settled in like a thick fog. Addressing the issues was not prioritized and the tyranny of the urgent derailed any comprehensive exploration of the problems.

The lack of identifying the issues proved to be costly, as hope for change faded, and one by one, people began to leave. The momentum for change lost, and the pain of ignoring the issues sat with each of us.

This resistance to naming real problems isn’t unique. Many leaders and organizations face the same struggle, which leaves us all wondering: Why are we so bad at naming the elephants in the room?

Why Don’t We Name the Elephants?

The phrase is straightforward: when there’s a problem so big it’s like a five-ton elephant in the room, you'd think someone would mention it. We all see it, we all feel it, and, like the animal itself, it probably stinks.

Yet, despite the problem being obvious, it's no surprise we avoid it. There are plenty of reasons: we hope it will resolve on its own, fear that naming it might make things worse, or worry about hurting someone’s feelings. The truth is, addressing the elephant is rarely convenient or comfortable. So we gloss over it, often saying, “It’s fine.” Sometimes, it is. But more often, it’s not.

Ironically, by ignoring the elephant, we often bring about the very outcomes we fear. We're afraid that addressing the issue might cause people to leave, yet it’s the silence that drives the best employees away—they can’t tolerate stagnant or toxic environments. We fear hurting someone’s feelings and hindering that relationship, but by staying silent, their behaviours worsen, and we end up distancing ourselves anyway.

As uncomfortable as it is to name the elephant, we need to accurately identify the problem if we have any hope of addressing it.

What Are the Elephants in This Cultural Moment?

While I can’t name the specific elephants you’re facing, you might relate to some of the troubling cultural patterns I’m seeing. In my work with clients, the first step is always identifying the pain points that are keeping them stuck. Only with that awareness can real change begin.

In the Staying Curious newsletter over the next few months, we’ll be naming some of the major elephants in the room—and perhaps others that emerge along the way. Here are a few of the “elephants” wreaking havoc in this cultural moment:

Groupthink

We often assume that if "everyone" believes something, or if it's what we've always known, it must be true. But this mindset only reinforces cognitive biases and spreads misinformation. In conflict, groupthink traps us in harmful ideas, making us victims of the status quo.

Cancel Culture

Cancel culture seeks to punish people for saying things deemed unacceptable or inappropriate. While harmful or untruthful remarks should be addressed, canceling someone is the easy way out—for both them and us. In fact, it often backfires, creating echo chambers where dangerous ideas can thrive.

Polarization

Black-and-white thinking forces us into “us vs. them” camps, where people unite against something rather than around shared values. Research on in-group and out-group dynamics shows that this mindset is not only harmful but, at its worst, has been used to justify large-scale dehumanization.

Quick Resolutions

Turns out, resolving conflict can be one of the worst things you can do. Quick fixes can give the illusion of progress while ignoring the deeper, foundational issues. Sometimes, holding the tension is the best way to motivate lasting change.

Fragility

We’ve grown soft. We spend so much time protecting ourselves, our children, and making our environments “safe” that we’re not learning how to build resilience in the face of challenges.

Emotional Reasoning

As someone who values emotions, it pains me to point out that we might have gone too far with relying on our emotional barometer.

Sound Fun?

If this is making you feel distressed or like checking out—stick with me. This isn’t an exercise in doomsday thinking or catastrophizing. It’s this very awareness of the issues that gives us hope for change.

When I consider the complexity and conflict in the world, I believe that hope comes from exposing darkness and bringing tensions into the light. By understanding where things stand, we can collectively shift patterns and take meaningful action toward our desired future.

So stay tuned, because this time, we are actually going to name the elephants in the room.