The Hidden Costs of Trauma
My introduction to the impacts of trauma was uninvited and disorienting. While I was grateful to have moved through challenging circumstances, I was naive to think I had done so unscathed. It started with the experience of facial numbness that lasted for weeks. Long enough for the panic to set in, wondering if it would fully return. My body had endured prolonged experiences of being on edge and protecting against what it perceived as harmful environments. Eventually, the numbness faded as the trauma moved through my body. It left me wondering what else my body might be holding onto. A month later, I would find out.
What had been bottled up inside me was triggered by an experience that brought me back to that place, inciting a panic attack. I struggled to breathe, experienced shortness of breath, overheating, heart racing, and nausea. I tried to find relief by lying down, going outside, confused by the sudden onslaught of mysterious symptoms.
Two days later a mysterious rash appears, and is diagnosed as shingles. My doctor asked if anything particularly stressful was happening at the moment? Ah yes, the panic attack had found its way out.
Our bodies are remarkable. What my body did to protect me in a season of duress was a miracle. Absorbing the emotional distress for so long, it was now telling me, “It’s time to heal.” The erratic ailments bring me into a place of empathy for myself; listening to the signals that are crying for my attention.
Bessel Van der Kolk addresses this reality in his book The Body Keeps the Score which describes the complexity of trauma and its impacts on us. Experiences that pose a threat to us in some form, can fundamentally reorganize how our brains work. As the title indicates, our bodies keep the score, as our physiological homes are impacted by our experiences. These experiences of impact can range in severity, as Aundi Kolber, author of Try Softer, helpfully differentiates through the understanding of big “T” trauma (e.g PTSD) or little “t” trauma (e.g grief).
Society praises resiliency, endurance, and transcendence in challenging circumstances, and these qualities are indeed admirable pursuits. However, we must ask ourselves, “At what cost?”
How can we better discern the environments that will build resiliency and those that will create lasting damage?
The answer is not so simple, nor is it universal. Each context and circumstance require careful discernment. But at the very least, we can grow in our awareness of the presence and impacts of trauma on ourselves and others.
Gabor Maté, a colleague of Bessel van der Kolk, has made significant contributions to the field of psychology through his latest book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture. The following is a collection of insights, thoughts, and ways forward that I gained from reading the book.
Some helpful understandings on trauma:
Maté begins the book by speaking to the interconnected nature of our mind and body. When we experience emotional duress, such as stress, grief, anger, or suppression, they can impact our health depending on the support we are able to access and how that support responds. Reflecting on experiences in childhood, think about who you reached out to for support when you felt any of these distressing emotions. How did they respond to help you process? The access one has (or the lack of) to support can significantly impact the body’s ability to navigate life.
Experts have noted an the increase in autoimmune disorders and chronic illnesses, which they believe are indicative of one’s environment. Maté suggests that disease may not be a fixed entity, but rather a dynamic process that reflects real lives in concrete situations.
Our emotional, psychological, spiritual and social lives have an impact on our physiological health. The repression of traumatic experiences, regardless of their severity, can lead to long-term physiological consequences. Stressful experiences are not limited to childhood but can also arise from ongoing traumas imparted from our toxic culture.
Developmentally, it is important that we are able to foster attachment (the drive for emotional closeness) and authenticity (the quality of being true to oneself). How these are fostered or neglected can lead to the growth or the unwanted crisis of our identity and health.
Our current cultural reality:
If we continue at the rate we are going, success in the world’s eyes, can be costly to our physical and emotional health. Our world fosters an identification with success that leads to the suppression of our needs or authentic selves.
When it comes to addictions, Maté asserts that they are often a defence mechanism against suffering that we don’t know how to endure. Developing empathy for ourselves and others is crucial as we recognize what we do in order to survive.
Maté challenges the notion of genetic predetermination for mental illness, suggesting that attributing it solely to genetics shields us from confronting our underlying hurts. Diagnoses can be powerful in validating and naming a lifetime of painful experiences, but they are limited and do not provide full explanations.
The process of healing:
In the crisis lies great opportunity for change, “True healing simply means opening ourselves to the truth of our lives, past and present, as plainly and objectively as we can” (p. 363). The ability to heal lies in our individual willingness to take responsibility for our minds and the world they are creating for us.
Maté offers some healing principles to foster:
Authenticity: Embodying authenticity fully, as a lack of authenticity can manifest as tension, anxiety, irritability, regret, depression, or fatigue.
Agency: Cultivating the capacity to freely take responsibility for our own existence.
Anger: Allowing anger to exist in healthy boundaries of defence when we perceive threats, rather than suppressing or accumulating it.
Acceptance: Fostering an aligned relationships with the present moment, not through complacency or resignation, but through genuine acceptance.
The pathway to healing is long, intentional, and requires a sustainable effort. It starts with a compassionate inquiry, where we notice things and cultivate curiosity about what is happening within ourselves and around us.
Personally, I want to start by noticing. Noticing where I feel disequilibrium. Noticing the physical pain points that might be indicating something deeper. I’m being gracious with myself, thankful for the ways that my body sustains me, and intentionally moving towards increased authenticity, agency, emoting anger, and acceptance.
What about you? What surprises you? What resonates in the realities and uncomfortable truths of trauma? How might you feel invited to live more in the present moment?
Resources I’ve found helpful on trauma:
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture - Gabor Maté
Try Softer - Aundi Kolber