Let them Speak: The Fear of Gossip that Silences
Inviting the Inconvenient Truths
When was the last time you felt yourself “covering your ears” (either literally or metaphorically) because there was something that you did not want to hear? I would guess this is done to brace ourselves against the inconvenient truths: the facts or realities that we know to be true but wish they were not.
Our brains are trained to limit and reduce discomfort. Meaning, our brains work overtime to explain away cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs when we are presented with new information that does not align with our existing frame of thought. How do you respond to new information that counters what you have always thought to be true? Are you curious? Do you explore it? Do you seek confirming evidence and open yourself up to be proved wrong?
Rethinking our Assumptions and Fostering Innovation
Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, argues that rethinking assumptions is crucial for creating learning cultures where growth and innovation can thrive. It is this type of culture that makes people feel psychologically safe. A culture of learning and embracing the truth is fostered under psychological safety and accountability. So what happens if these attributes are missing and people are afraid to speak the truth?
Silencing the Truth
It can feel stifling when you are within an environment that does not allow questions, or silences concerns being raised. When a leader experiences a sense of threat from the inconvenient truth, rather than viewing it as an opportunity to rethink their assumptions, they can defend by dismissing the claims. The shock of disbelief sets in when you are accustomed to being guided by curiosity and transparency, and now those very traits are seen as threatening, or even worse, characterized as sinful gossip.
Not only should we be motivated to speak truth to foster environments of growth and innovation, but as followers of Jesus we are exhorted to be people of light and to expose the things that can fester in the darkness (John 3:20-21, Eph. 5:8-11). We should embrace the confronting powers of light, and therefore, should not view speaking about truthful concerns or experiences as gossip, or divisive.
When unwelcome truths are cast aside, one is left wondering, “Why the secrecy and silencing if there is nothing to hide? What are they so afraid of coming to light?”
The Impacts of Silencing
Church communities can be guilty of patterns of silencing and dismissing claims. When this occurs, it is additionally harmful because of the spiritual authority and influence that church leaders hold. This silencing can be a characteristic of spiritual abuse, which is defined as sinful methods of control or domineering behaviours, from someone with spiritual authority, and patterned over time.
Author, Michael J. Kruger, notes that one of the ways this harmful behaviour can emerge undetected is through patterns of suppression or silencing of issues. In many cases of spiritual abuse, the individual raising concerns is scapegoated as the problem (rather than the concerns they are raising), and questions or push back is mislabeled as insubordinate or as gossip.
It would seem that for many, mitigating against gossip is of greater concern than exploring the possibility of something being spiritual abusive or harmful.
Flippantly categorizing the discussion of concerns as gossip can silence in harmful ways and obstruct the pathway towards accountability. Oakley and Humphrey, note the differences, “Obviously, there is clear biblical teaching on gossiping and judging others, but that is not what we are talking about here. When individuals have genuine concerns or questions they should be able to respectfully and appropriately raise these.” Gossip is information (or misinformation) shared with malicious intent. Sharing a (truthful) negative report about someone with the intent to expose or pursue justice, is not gossip, it’s accountability.
Eliminating the Culture of “Yes People”
Not only can the leader being questioned respond defensively, but the broader community can enable this behaviour. Many people feel that the Church is under attack and that it needs defending, and so individuals supporting leadership align themselves and say “yes” regardless of the counter evidence.
Ironically, the Church would be better represented through communities that protect against harm and bring cases of abuse to light. This posture to defend, coupled with an eagerness to establish “peace,” can lead to the suppression and dismissal of the issues, but unfortunately, the issues only grow.
Kruger notes that because of these community responses, “In this current system, it is extremely difficult, indeed, almost impossible to convict a pastor of spiritual abuse.” When a leader is feeling their position of power being threatened by concerns, these tactics of suppression and silencing are ways to deflect the issues away from being held accountable.
But aren’t there times when leadership cannot disclose certain information?
To nuance this conversation, I must note that there are times when information is confidential, or when there is specific timing to a decision being disclosed. Additionally, gossip is sinful and unhelpful in our pursuit of Christ-likeness and righteousness.
What I’m speaking to are the patterns of silencing, the denouncing of questions, the deflecting of issues and the categorization of gossip that suppresses real concerns where accountability should be exercised.
When these themes emerge, they can have harmful impacts on the individual raising concerns, the congregation being led blindly, and also to the person wielding the power irresponsibly.
How can we bring the truth to light?
It’s no surprise to note that church leadership (Lead Pastor, Board/Council) heavily influences the culture a church fosters. If a church community is motivated to move towards what Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer call a TOV (goodness) culture, that nurtures Christlikeness, empathy, grace, people-first, truth-telling, justice, and service, then there are a few steps that can be implemented to encourage accountability and transparency:
Encourage a culture where people can freely ask questions and raise concerns without being silenced or censored (and pay attention to how leadership responds to these concerns)
Limit the sole power a church leader has through preaching rotations, and ensuring a board chair or moderator is equipped to oversee the leader
Build in feedback loops through annual review processes that are disseminated to the church board (annual reviews should take place for every role in the church- 6 Motivations for Accountability)
Limit terms for people serving on the board or council and seek out people who do not fit existing paradigms to bring truth-telling and alternative perspectives to leadership
Make board/council minutes open to the congregation
Note: Due diligence in the initial hiring of individuals for roles of spiritual authority is a first step in mitigating against harm
I invite you to wonder for yourself:
How do you respond when someone asks genuine questions about a decision you make?
What is your understanding of conflict and how it relates to church unity?
In what ways can you seek to understand where people are coming from? What concerns they might have? What is at stake for them in their questions?
How can you open yourself up to new information? What is an inconvenient truth you may be avoiding right now?
What is at work within you when you feel defensiveness rise up in response to questions or concerns?
What accountability systems could you put in place for yourself and the people you oversee? How could these accountability systems be framed as an opportunity to reflect, grow and be challenged?
Stay Curious,
Jodi
More Resources on this topic:
If this is a topic you are interested to explore further, I would encourage you to read Kruger’s work. Kruger skillfully outlines the patterns and themes of spiritual abuse, and specifically targets church leaders to better equip them in response to complaints. At the end of each of his chapters, there were notes on additional subtleties and nuances — evidence that this topic is not straight forward and there are many complexities in cases of harm. I encourage people to lean in and engage faithfully in this important issue that is not only damaging to individuals, but damaging to our witness to the world around us.
The Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church - Michael J Kruger
Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures - Dr. Lisa Oakley & Justin Humphreys
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What you Don’t Know - Adam Grant
Additional Readings:
A Church Called TOV - Scot McKnight & Laura Barringer
Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse - Wade Mullen
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church - Diane Langberg
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse - Chuck DeGroat